[The sudden intensity of his focus throws Merlin off, and Steve succeeds in sweeping him to the ground. He lands flat on his back, the wind knocked out of him. He's going to bruise in the morning. Particularly because Steve is right on top of him. Not that he minds that part so much, he's finding.
He simply works on catching his breath for a moment, shifting slightly under him to free his arm.]
I'm flattered, then. There's only one other person who can keep up with me, too, and he's running this organization.
[Any thoughts of Harry are like background noise in his mind right now, though, and he can't quite put a finger on why, but now he's a little distracted by how close they are.]
[ They're close, thanks to the wrestling and to Merlin sitting up. They're barely inches away. And Steve misjudged and didn't move away. He should have. He knows he should have.
His mind is a fog right now. He was in attack mode and then his mind got to Bucky and. Then he's within inches of Merlin's face. And it's so obvious what his gut is telling him to do. It's so clear what he wants. He doesn't think. He just does. Caught up in the heat of the moment and the confusion. He presses his lips to Merlin's. For an instant, it's the best thing that could have ever happened to him. It feels right. Really right.
And then the guilt sets in. He should have asked. He should have thought. He shouldn't be wanting to kiss a man period. He breaks the kiss and is breathless for the first time the whole fight. ]
[It's the first time he's really been surprised this whole evening. The only move that entirely unexpectedly came out of the blue. The fact that he'd managed to pin him was one thing, but this was on a whole different level of unexpected. And Steve's not the only one with the adrenaline still running through his system.
Steve doesn't even have to say anything at all, because Merlin's pulling him back down for another kiss. When Steve kissed him it had felt just as right to Merlin, and he wants to return the favor. If he's honest with himself, he wants to do a whole lot more than that, but he doesn't want to overwhelm him.]
[ Breath taken away again and his heart soars. His blood pumps and his hands want to touch. He's never seen a man so beautiful before, honestly. And that's only partially the artist in him speaking.
He doesn't hesitate in the kiss. If he thinks any longer he's going to pull away and that's the last thing he wants right now. ]
[His own hands move up Steve's sides and rest at his broad shoulders as Merlin deepens the kiss, his eyes closing for a moment as he loses himself in it. It's been a few years since he's been any level of intimate with someone, choosing instead to focus on his work. Though it's not that he hasn't ever allowed himself, and his experience shows.]
[Eventually, he murmurs against his lips] We should ah...go somewhere a little more private, maybe. My office?
[He's not going to suggest either of their rooms yet, not sure if Steve is comfortable with that idea.]
[ He didn't know what to do. And he hated that. He knew that things were different. It was one of the first things he discovered upon his arrival. Sex was accepted and talked about - at least a lot more than before. People were accepted for being different. At... least a lot more than before.
He'd figure out what this meant later. Deal with not knowing what to do when they got there. He had some idea and that was it. ]
Yeah.
[ He gives a bashful smile and finally pulls himself off of Merlin, offering a hand to help him up. ]
Don't think you'd want the recruits walking in on that.
Precisely. I'd never hear the end of it. [dryly, as he takes Steve's hand] I'm pretty sure most of them think I've never kissed anyone before.
[He picks up his sweater, though he doesn't put it back on, and leads Steve to his office, shutting the door behind them. There's a small, but comfortable couch there, and he gestures for him to sit.]
[ He thinks the entire time they walk. About how he wanted that. Clearly and definitely wanted that. How it was okay to want that but was he the type to want that? And how really, really good Merlin's legs looked even in trousers.
They enter and Steve relaxes somewhat behind closed doors. He gives a bashful smile and scratches the back of his head. ]
[Merlin gives him a warm smile in return, taking a seat on the couch and crossing said long legs. Steve's bashfulness is endearing, just like everything else about him.]
Never kissed anyone in general, or never kissed another man, specifically? Either is fine, I'm just curious.
It was the best kiss I've ever had. [ He wasn't very experienced but. He knew. Anyone, even being kissed for the first time, would know how wonderful that felt.
Oh. [It's not the response he expected at all, but Steve seems so certain of it. And he finds that he has to agree, despite Steve's lack of experience. He made up for it in other ways.]
I enjoyed it too, very thoroughly. I suppose the next question is...do you want to try it again?
[Not too far. If he'd gone too far, Merlin wouldn't be leaning in for round two. It's a little different this time, properly initiating the kiss instead of simply returning it. He's gentle, deepening it slowly and patiently. Not teaching him, exactly, but letting him learn for himself what he likes.]
[ That feels amazing. Unlike any kiss that he's ever gotten before. There are a thousand questions in his mind at the moment. He'd never even considered--
But then Merlin's lips move in a new way and he's melting. All other thoughts are forgotten for just a few more minutes. It's definitely not the kiss and the talent behind it. It's the man giving it. Steve chooses the more satisfying route and sticks with it. A hand comes up to trace along his jaw. ]
[Merlin leans into the touch, one of his own hands resting against Steve's chest as he makes a sound of encouragement into the kiss.
He likes being touched like that, even as simple a touch as it is. As removed as he tries to make himself seem, if anyone pays even the slightest bit of attention to the way he lets people lean on him quite literally and otherwise get into his personal space, they can see that it's something he enjoys.]
[ He gets lost, deeper and deeper into that kiss. Merlin is-- Wow. But Steve doesn't even know his name. His name.
He has to break the kiss for a second. Let him collect his thoughts. He's kissing a man - Merlin, of all people, what does he have with Brits - and enjoying it more and more. Deep breaths, Rogers. ]
[Merlin finds himself needing to breathe too, so he doesn't protest when Steve pulls back. They both need a moment to collect their thoughts, because his own have been thoroughly scattered.]
I suppose we should...talk. About what this means. Or...could mean. I know this is new to you, so I expect you have questions.
[ His voice is way too grounding. Part of him wanted to keep living in that limbo. But he knew he was right. They had to talk about this, think about this. ]
Uh... Yeah. [ He says between a nervous laugh. His hand hasn't moved. ] You wanna get started? I'm kind of going in blind.
[Merlin gives him a small smile, hoping it will ease Steve's nerves at least a little.]
There's no script for something like this, regardless of experience levels. But I will say that I wouldn't mind doing that again sometime.
[he pauses, working out how to phrase this next part] Dating is...tricky, in my line of work. I haven't done it in a few years; I had to lie to the last person about who I was, about everything I did, and that didn't sit well with me. But this...this is different. You're different.
[ His hand finally falls to his side. Dating? Seriously? With a man? He was glad that things were getting much better about that now. He knew far too many people who would have been shunned into his frozen wasteland if even whispers of that came out. There was no need to be ashamed of it.
But for himself? ]
Are you saying it'd go in reverse?
[ But here he is. Trying to find out Merlin's name. Or anything about him. ]
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Basically.
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He simply works on catching his breath for a moment, shifting slightly under him to free his arm.]
I'm flattered, then. There's only one other person who can keep up with me, too, and he's running this organization.
[Any thoughts of Harry are like background noise in his mind right now, though, and he can't quite put a finger on why, but now he's a little distracted by how close they are.]
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His mind is a fog right now. He was in attack mode and then his mind got to Bucky and. Then he's within inches of Merlin's face. And it's so obvious what his gut is telling him to do. It's so clear what he wants. He doesn't think. He just does. Caught up in the heat of the moment and the confusion. He presses his lips to Merlin's. For an instant, it's the best thing that could have ever happened to him. It feels right. Really right.
And then the guilt sets in. He should have asked. He should have thought. He shouldn't be wanting to kiss a man period. He breaks the kiss and is breathless for the first time the whole fight. ]
Sorry I--.
[ He doesn't even know what to say. ]
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Steve doesn't even have to say anything at all, because Merlin's pulling him back down for another kiss. When Steve kissed him it had felt just as right to Merlin, and he wants to return the favor. If he's honest with himself, he wants to do a whole lot more than that, but he doesn't want to overwhelm him.]
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He doesn't hesitate in the kiss. If he thinks any longer he's going to pull away and that's the last thing he wants right now. ]
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[Eventually, he murmurs against his lips] We should ah...go somewhere a little more private, maybe. My office?
[He's not going to suggest either of their rooms yet, not sure if Steve is comfortable with that idea.]
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[ He didn't know what to do. And he hated that. He knew that things were different. It was one of the first things he discovered upon his arrival. Sex was accepted and talked about - at least a lot more than before. People were accepted for being different. At... least a lot more than before.
He'd figure out what this meant later. Deal with not knowing what to do when they got there. He had some idea and that was it. ]
Yeah.
[ He gives a bashful smile and finally pulls himself off of Merlin, offering a hand to help him up. ]
Don't think you'd want the recruits walking in on that.
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[He picks up his sweater, though he doesn't put it back on, and leads Steve to his office, shutting the door behind them. There's a small, but comfortable couch there, and he gestures for him to sit.]
Are you all right?
[He's not asking about the fight.]
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[ He thinks the entire time they walk. About how he wanted that. Clearly and definitely wanted that. How it was okay to want that but was he the type to want that? And how really, really good Merlin's legs looked even in trousers.
They enter and Steve relaxes somewhat behind closed doors. He gives a bashful smile and scratches the back of his head. ]
I've um. Never done that before.
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Never kissed anyone in general, or never kissed another man, specifically? Either is fine, I'm just curious.
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[ He's quick to clarify with a hand extended. And he paces a few steps. ]
I.. didn't even know I wanted to kiss you until just then. [ A sincerely apologetic look. ] No offence.
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It... [and here he seems a little less sure of himself] it was nice, though. Wasn't it?
[maybe he's just being hopeful]
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[
He wasn't very experienced but. He knew. Anyone, even being kissed for the first time, would know how wonderful that felt.
Steve finally sits down on the couch. ]
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I enjoyed it too, very thoroughly. I suppose the next question is...do you want to try it again?
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There's one thing he knows for sure though. ]
Yeah. I'd like that.
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But then Merlin's lips move in a new way and he's melting. All other thoughts are forgotten for just a few more minutes. It's definitely not the kiss and the talent behind it. It's the man giving it. Steve chooses the more satisfying route and sticks with it. A hand comes up to trace along his jaw. ]
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He likes being touched like that, even as simple a touch as it is. As removed as he tries to make himself seem, if anyone pays even the slightest bit of attention to the way he lets people lean on him quite literally and otherwise get into his personal space, they can see that it's something he enjoys.]
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He has to break the kiss for a second. Let him collect his thoughts. He's kissing a man - Merlin, of all people, what does he have with Brits - and enjoying it more and more. Deep breaths, Rogers. ]
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I suppose we should...talk. About what this means. Or...could mean. I know this is new to you, so I expect you have questions.
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Uh... Yeah. [ He says between a nervous laugh. His hand hasn't moved. ] You wanna get started? I'm kind of going in blind.
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There's no script for something like this, regardless of experience levels. But I will say that I wouldn't mind doing that again sometime.
[he pauses, working out how to phrase this next part] Dating is...tricky, in my line of work. I haven't done it in a few years; I had to lie to the last person about who I was, about everything I did, and that didn't sit well with me. But this...this is different. You're different.
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But for himself? ]
Are you saying it'd go in reverse?
[ But here he is. Trying to find out Merlin's name. Or anything about him. ]
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It's possible that it could. You already know what I do, and it doesn't seem to bother you.
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Don't see why it would.
[ A pause. He. Doesn't really know where to begin with this. ]
Would you want to? Date me, I mean. I don't exactly have the best schedule either.
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